we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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