I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drake has all the answers
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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