my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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