I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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