The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize