I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
