Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
