why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
