I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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