I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He has the fingertips of a God
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