im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
