i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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