so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
