My balls are so social today.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
