The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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