I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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