i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
