so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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