that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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