i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
NoShamevember. You game?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
