youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
