This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
