That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
