I don't usually arrange sex via text message
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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