the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
