Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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