highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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