He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So many bounce houses so little time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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