Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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