i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
