Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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