Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
