I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
please don't ironically join a cult
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