Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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