Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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