MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
