I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
they need to just BURY HIM!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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