wat bout pragnant strippers??
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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