So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
