and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it hurts more in the daytime
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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