But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
