I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
