Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
