I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
