2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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