3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
