she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she pinky promised me she was 18
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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