Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize