she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
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the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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