There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
