So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
