I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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