Your face is a jimmy john
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
