I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
