I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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