I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
