i already hear my dad disowning me
there's paper in my vomit.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
