is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still have a little drunk in my system
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dick very happy bro
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
