I would go down on you faster than GM stock
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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