He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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