I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
