so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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