so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize