are you still at the devil's house?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
